MBS Spanko Brunch #200

Yes, this is our two hundredth weekly brunch. I picked a topic that I think befits the occasion. It's an obvious question, but I don't believe we've ever directly discussed it.

Why spanking? We could easily spend our days pondering crumpets, cribbage, or chrysanthemums. But we don't. What is it about our favorite pastime that grabs and holds your interest?

I hope you'll join our celebration by sharing your thoughts. Even if you have little or no spanking experience, you have an interest (it's why you're here, right?), and that is our topic.

You can participate by entering a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to answer, I will post an edited summary of our conversation.

Embracing the Magic

MBS recorded its eight millionth page request today. That number boggles my mind.

Thank you, dear friends, for your continuing support! It's been amazing.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Nov 8

Our topic this week was scolding. Here are your responses.

Todd and Suzy: A scolding is usually a pretty big part of a spanking for us. In a discipline spanking situation, it's probably at least as important as the actual spanking. It's what puts spanker and spankee on the same page and allows the reasons for the spanking to be fully understand.

In a playful situation, it adds to the fun. While a 'just because' spanking can work great, having a reason, even a silly one, seems to make it better. Playful scolding allows for the spanko phrases that so many of us enjoy to be used. "We need to have a little talk about your behavior." "You've been a naughty girl." "You know what happens when you're naughty," etc., etc. Even when doing something as silly as a Spankopoly spanking, there usually is some sort of scolding involved.

Scolding can serve a practical purpose, or a playful one that builds up the butterflies in the tummy anticipation for the spankee. It's not a must, but we do like to include scolding whenever we can.

Hermione: Scoldings aren't part of our spanking rituals, because for us, spankings are erotic foreplay. Ron considers spankings a reward for good behaviour, not bad. Those spanko phrases that Todd and Suzy mentioned would be music to my ears, and I would love to hear them immediately before or during a spanking.

I do get scolded quite frequently for various things I've done or left undone. If the offense isn't too serious and I can see that Ron is only mildly annoyed, I will tell him he's absolutely right, and suggest that I deserve a good spanking. That usually makes him laugh and explain why I don't deserve one. It defuses the situation, even though he won't take me up on my offer.

Jean Marie: I can often get a "read" on how hard the spanking to come will be by the energy expended on my scolding. If it's a finger-wagging tirade, I'm not going to be able to sit for a good while.

I love to be scolded!

Poppy: I hate to be scolded, but it happens if it is a spanking for something serious.

I hate to admit this, but it makes a massive difference to me and how I feel. It takes the experience to a deeper level. It tells me that he knows me and notices me. It tells me that what I do and I how do it matters to him.

I would rather be spanked for twice as long and not scolded. But if he did not scold me, I would not think he loves me as much as he does.

Sigh

Are all women this complicated?

Anon #1: Spanking for me is purely foreplay, but adding some pretend naughtiness is fun. Being scolded in fun for a made up or silly infraction is great fun! It's a way to get in all of those key phrases I love hearing even before a single spank. I love getting those butterflies in my tummy and knowing that I'm about to get pulled over his knee. Often he can tell that I'm not listening to him as he's scolding me because I'm too focused upon what's about to happen. So I get scolded more and spanked harder! It's a wonderful, circular cycle of which I'm quite fond, as is my boyfriend, fortunately!

Scunge: If it is a discipline spanking, I ALWAYS get asked "Why are you getting this spanking ____?" After I give the correct response, Sir starts the spanking but keeps scolding and reminding me why it would be prudent to stop doing what I did. I NEED the scolding part to get into the right head space,otherwise I don't seem to be able to take the spanking very well.

Our Bottoms Burn: I was going to write something like we don't scold because spankings are erotic foreplay for us. Then I read what Hermione wrote. She said, "Those spanko phrases that Todd and Suzy mentioned would be music to my ears, and I would love to hear them immediately before or during a spanking."

Hmmmm, I had never thought about such phrases as being scolding when used in play. So yes, I guess we do use scolding. All those "Young Lady you can just get yourself over my lap right now" et al., said in play do qualify.

Becall does wilt a bit when I have her well warmed up and tell her naughty she is and what I am about to do to her.

Daisychain: The scolding, as has already been said, gets my head into the right frame of mind. I love that he cares enough about me to want to correct my naughty ways! After all, I misbehave to a) get noticed, and b) to get a spanking!
Therefore, the scolding proves that he noticed my behaviour, and that he cares. The spanking shows that he wants to have a good, well-behaved wife, and is prepared to do whatever it takes to achieve that aim.

Now, I just need to work out how to adjust the severity of that aforementioned spanking. LOL

Ronnie: A scolding (lecture) does happen and plays a very important part before and during a discipline spanking. It sets the tone and puts the spankee (me) in the appropriate state of mind. Without it, I wouldn't be able to take discipline spankings and still feel loved, receptive to the (deserved) punishment and genuinely contrite afterward.

It's also great during a fun spanking, but different sets of words and phrases are used, "You know what naughty girls get," "Come here I need to have a word with you," and that kind of thing. It adds to the fun. It gets me going too. Phrases like that aren't for discipline.

Rob: I think a scolding/lecture is very important. It reinforces the reasons for the spanking and puts both of us in the proper frame of mind as Ronnie said earlier. My spouse will sometimes make me tell her why I'm about to be punished, and then delivers the lecture during the spanking. It really does drive home the message in a way that a spanking by itself would not.

Suzanne: My husband always lectures and scolds me before and during a punishment. If he just lectures, he's annoyed, but if he scolds, then I'm in big trouble. I don't particularly like either one of these things as they make me feel worse for disappointing him. I guess that's why they're effective though. They make me totally remorseful for what I've done, which really is the point of a punishment.

Betina: I think that scolding and lecturing is a very important part of a spanking, be it for fun or the serious kind. If it's for fun, it triggers things inside me and the tone is very light and fun. Also, I often tend to backtalk a bit and earn a bit more. If it's serious, my replies are mostly "yes" and "no" or no reply at all just listening and feeling as my bottom gets warmer and I feel sorry for what I've done.

Janet: Lectures are a big part of a spanking in my house. If it is a punishment spanking, they are a huge part of the punishment. I usually hear that he is disappointed in my actions and that hurts worse then any spanking I could receive. I hate to disappoint my HOH.

I just can't get my head in the right space if there is not a lecture along with a spanking. Even during a who's-who, there are always points to be brought up and it helps me to concentrate on why this is happening.

So I guess I need those verbal reminders as well as the painful reminder that he is in charge.

Caylee: Scolding definitely plays a large role in our spankings. As a couple who practices both domestic discipline (to a point) and erotic spankings, there needs to be a firm difference between the two. Otherwise, punishment spankings are nowhere near effective, and erotic spankings wouldn't be fun. Mostly, it isn't the word choice, but the overall tone that differentiates a scolding. "Now, are we going to have to do this again?" can be both stern and playful depending upon how it's said. The reaction can be "No, sir!" or a bratty "Probably!" It all depends on the mood and reason for the spanking.

What folks were saying about scolding getting you into the right frame of mind is absolutely true in our case. Without it, a lot of the meaning goes out of a spanking, whatever kind it might be.

Katia: Sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't. It just depends on the situation. I prefer the fun teasing ones before a GG. The term “young lady” gives me butterflies no matter who says it. :)

Prefectdt: For my own preferences, I like formalized, ceremonial type play. When the choice is mine, there is no scolding, just the execution-style play.

However, it takes two (or more) to play and if the Top involved likes to hand out a scolding, I am more than happy to play along. It is kind of fun to see how good a woman is at handing out a tongue-lashing, but she has to be aware that it will push my bratting button :)

Anon #2: L has the happy knack of being able to chasten me when I need it without resorting to reproach or blame. My most recent punishment spanking was for ordering something online and being careless about filling out the payment authorisation so we paid twice for the same item. Ironically, I had shopped around to get the best price!

He praised me first for that, saying he knew I was never wasteful or extravagant, but that I was often too abstracted and preoccupied, and that was how I made mistakes. He said this time it had only cost us $25.95, but next time the consequences could be more serious and long-lasting. I nodded dispiritedly, because now I knew what his preventative measure against 'next time' would be. He said the holidays were coming up, and I had to learn to be more attentive and accurate before then, and 'jump start your situational awareness.'

I quailed when he told me to get the paddle. I dislike the paddle, but I also understood and shared his disquiet. This was a remedy that worked for us, consoling and mitigating as no mere 'reprieve' ever could. I did as I was bidden, and without further preamble was drawn over his lap for twenty-five strokes, the amount of the over-payment. Well, at least he didn't 'round up' the 95¢! :)

Mija: There's sometimes a bit of scolding before spanking punishments, generally if Paul thinks I haven't quite gotten why what I did was wrong (or doesn't think I found it wrong enough). It's not usual though.

I have hearing problems, so there isn't much talking from him during spankings. Or maybe there is but I don't notice it.

Impish1: None at all, but as the punishment scene is erotic fodder for me, I wish it did sometimes...

Bonnie: In my definition, scolding is serious. While Randy often unleashes a flurry of words that might sound like scolding, he and I know that they are delivered for dramatic effect, as roleplay, or in jest.

Nevertheless, I appreciate those magic buzzwords. They feed my kinky desire.

Thank you all for participating. Please be sure to join us next week for a special brunch celebration!

MBS Spanko Brunch #199

It's time for brunch again and I thank you all for joining us. Our topic was suggested by an MBS reader.

What role, if any, does scolding play in your spanking experiences? How frequently is it used? What are the reasons? How does the spankee typically react?

To join our conversation, all you need to do is enter a comment below. Once everyone has shared their thoughts, I will post an edited summary.

In with the New: Pass the Cranberry Sauce Edition

Get ready because another bumper crop of exciting young spanking-oriented blogs is headed your way!

I hope everyone will explore these thirteen new blogs and welcome the bloggers to our community. If you find something good while you're visiting, I encourage you to share your praise and support in the form of comments. I can guarantee your words will be appreciated.

Ageplay and Domestic Discipline All Southern Girl BabyMan and SugarAnne Becoming His Mandy Birchwood Academy Daddy's Girl Gentleman's Guide to DD Janet's Fiction Katia's Writings Miss Nicole's Randoms RandomMusings The Spanking Universe Whip's Blogspace

We extend the hand of friendship to each of you! I hope your blogging experiences will be rewarding and fun.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Nov 1

Our topic this week was advice for a new mother who is seeking to re-kindle her spanking relationship with her husband. Here are your words of wisdom.

Todd and Suzy: We've had times when spankings were an everyday part of our lives, and other times when it's been several weeks. We do tend to talk about spanking quite a bit though, even during those dry spells. That seems to be the number one thing we do to keep the interest going. Beyond that, we do things like get new implements, watch videos, talk with like-minded friends, blog, read stories, and go to parties. Basically, we keep spanking at least in the background.

If you're thinking and talking about it as a couple, actual spankings will flow naturally. While doing things like planning out free time certainly helps, spanking doesn't seem like the sort of thing that can be forced. As for whether it will go away if you leave it alone, that depends upon the person. We've seen people walk away from spanking and seemingly not miss it. Others couldn't give it up, even when they very much wanted to.

Indy: Earlier this year, a rather horrific tragedy occurred in my family. That certainly curtailed my desire for quite a while. I continued to play a little with my regular partners, mostly just for the reassurance of human touch rather than because I really wanted to be spanked. I even attended a couple parties in that time, mainly to see friends who I knew were concerned about me.

In that time, I didn't try anything new or push limits very much. I just enjoyed the endorphin rush and the stress relief. A couple of months later, I found myself REALLY wanting a spanking in a way that I hadn't in a quite a while. So I think keeping my bottom in it with not particularly challenging spanking play, filled with chatting and laughter, helped a lot.

Anon #1: You re-kindle your activity in this form of intimacy just as you do in any other form of intimacy. What works for you there should be tried here. Sometimes, just going out for a night on the town, with no intimacy or its pressures, establishes a feeling of closeness between a couple. The next day, when you both are warm and fuzzy inside, it's OK to sit over coffee or tea and talk about what is and is not happening in your lives. Good luck. Keep the lines of communication open. Life throws you its barriers. It's up to you and your partner to climb over, dig under or run around them.

Caylee: I think there needs to be a sense of easing back into spanking for it to work again. If you just bend over your husband’s lap and he starts whacking away, the pressure of thinking “I used to like this! Why aren’t I liking this now?” will prevent you from fully enjoying the experience. Instead of being a stress reliever, it’s just piling on more. Somehow, it seems like you need to relax before you start spanking. Something like an intimate massage with a couple of smacks thrown in might help, or a warm bath together beforehand. Anon #1's idea about the night on the town was an awesome one – anything out of the ordinary and romantic would be wonderful.

Also, for what it’s worth, having a new baby in the house can’t exactly be helping the stress levels. Getting a close friend or family member to babysit might do wonders, even if it’s just for a couple of hours while you and your husband reconnect without interruptions. In any case, I think the fact that you wish spanking was present in your life means that the desire is just dormant, not gone forever. Good luck, and best of wishes to you, your husband, and the new baby!

Maryann: You recently had a baby. Do whatever you can to be kind to yourself and to your husband. You both need every kindness you can get. A new baby is a wonderful blessing, but also a tremendous undertaking.

When I was nursing a tiny baby, I barely wanted to be touched by anybody else. All of my touch needs were met by the baby. I pushed my husband away.

When I was ready, as it sounds like you are since you are asking the question, I made a choice to put the baby in the swing or the playpen more often. We got out of the house with her in her stroller or car seat a bit more. Basically I just made sure I wasn't saturated with touch when my husband came home. In short order, we were touching each other again.

You'll be fine. Just be kind to yourself.

Muffin: There are lots of good comments here. I'm with Maryann. When I had my babies, I discovered that I didn't want to be bothered, either. There was a sense of needing to find "places" for everybody in the household again. My (then) husband was jealous of the time I spent with the baby, and I was angry about that. So take your time, let everyone settle into their place in the home. As Anon #1 said, get alone together for some private time. Go with any intimate touch, and reassure your husband that you haven't gone off spanking permanently. It'll probably come back to you. I find that my own spanking desire comes in waves or cycles. When I was pregnant the first time was when I "came out" to my first husband (who was vanilla, and was horrified when I asked him to spank me." But after the baby came, I couldn't have been bothered! Life changes do affect your spanking desires. Best wishes and congrats on the new baby!

Prefectdt: I once tried to give up the lifestyle, for about three years. In doing this, I burnt a lot of bridges and upset some people by totally cutting off from them. This was a mistake. It would be only natural that you may need to get away from kinky friends and groups right now, but it it is probably better to do it with tact. This way, you know that they will be there later if you want them.

Anon #2: I have no advice other than the basic communicate well and often. I'm thinking good thoughts for you and your family, though.

Dr. Ken: Interest in spanking can ebb and flow, depending upon what life throws at you. At some point, it usually does come back. You just have to ride it out and give it time.

You can't "force" it, though. Forcing it just might turn your play partner off and make playing with you the last thing they want to do. You both need to work your way through this new situation and get used to a new routine. Eventually, you can find your way back to some of your old beloved routines.

Brat: As one who has never had a baby, I would be the last one to be able to offer an empathetic response. However, you and I have one thing in common. We can both put our feelings into the written word (in my case, better than the spoken word!). I suggest that you write down your feelings/desires and leave the paper in a place where he will see it. Reading that will give him insight, and a man with insight is truly a beautiful creature!

Bonnie: I believe it's very likely you can achieve the change you seek, but it probably needs to be a gradual process. The improvement begins with a few small things. Consider a favorite meal, a gentle touch, an unexpected kiss, words of praise, or a good morning smile. The second step, as so many other have mentioned, is opening lines of communication. You need to talk regularly about adult subjects (yes, the baby IS cute, but there needs to be room for other conversations).

Hopefully, intimacy will naturally happen from there. If it doesn't, you might try scheduling an evening for romance. One of the great features of (most) newborns is that once they are warm, happy and full of milk, they tend to fall asleep and remain that way for a while. You'll learn soon enough that older kids aren't nearly so predictable.

I wish you both the very best and I hope you are able to live your dreams. A baby is a huge responsibility and a continuing distraction, but I can assure you that there are plenty of parents who manage to keep the home fires burning.

Thank you all for sharing your excellent advice!

MBS Spanko Brunch #198

Hi everybody and welcome back! It's time again for our weekly discussion.

Our topic was originally submitted by an MBS reader as an Ask Bonnie query. But I decided it was too good a question to keep for myself. Here we go...

"How do you get back into spanking after a big life change and a change in desire that goes along with it?

I recently had a baby and during my pregnancy I totally wanted to be spanked all of the time. Now I don't want to be spanked or do anything that goes along with it. My husband and I are bickering and that leads to a lack of sexual desire for me. The idea of asking for a spanking just seems weird when we're not getting along.

On the other hand, I believe that getting back into spanking would be good for our relationship. Spankings have a way of relieving my stress, and his too I believe. It also creates a more respectful and playful household which we are so lacking right now.

So, how do I force myself to get back into it when there isn't much desire at present? And if I leave it alone, will it just go away? Will spanking never be a part of our lives again? In other words, do I have to do something to rekindle, and if yes, have you any suggestions?"

There you have it, right from the source. How can we help our friend? What guidance would you offer?

Please leave your response in the form of a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to answer, I will post an edited summary of our discussion.